i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
