Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize