I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A+ Viking dick
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
