I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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