Whod you bang
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize