The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
And then he peed in my hair
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