is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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