we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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