Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
