dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
