So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
