No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
