I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Enjoy the penises
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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