Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
