I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Houston, we have a squirter
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
