he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
