I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize