I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
