I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
