The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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