Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
