i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
