woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
