yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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