My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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