im drinking this country out of the recession.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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