I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
