So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
