Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
