i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
