Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
