She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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