My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
