I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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