When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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