Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
