It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
