Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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