have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
