I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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