I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
