I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
