Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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