guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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