R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
