i just google imaged poop.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
