I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize