Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
