you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just cut my nipple shaving
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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