tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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