I think i peed on brittanys purse
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
