so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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