I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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