Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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