You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
