Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
