He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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