she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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