in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
