it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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