so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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