I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
