i jhust puked up my retainher.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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