I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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