i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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