I'd wear matching sweaters with you
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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