Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
