So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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